Early sign of pregnancy | How to Tell if You're Pregnant Without a Test | Secret'sTaylor
How to Tell Whether You're In a Toxic Relationship
A toxic relationship is one which drains your emotional and physical energy. It is characterized by constant negativity, criticism, and codependence. These relationships can be with anyone: your parents, family, partner, boss, work colleagues, or friends. You should learn to identify toxic relationships in your life. You do not want to remain in a relationship that is draining your energy and making you feel bad about yourself.
Evaluating Your Feelings
See how you feel around the person.Toxic relationships tend to drain your energy. You may feel nervous being around someone if you are in a toxic relationship, as you're constantly stressed about setting them off.
- Are you always anxious in this person's presence? You may feel like you need to walk on eggshells to maintain stability. A toxic person becomes angry or emotional easily.
- Do you enjoy spending time with this person? You may find yourself dreading get togethers with this person. You may feel like you have to psych yourself up for a get-together.
Consider whether you feel controlled or isolated.This is especially important if you're in a romantic relationship. Toxic romantic relationships often involve a lot of control and isolation.
- Your partner may ignore your requests or make decisions for you. You may feel like your partner has a "my way or the highway" mentality. It can be little things, like insisting on choosing restaurants, or larger things, like dictating how you spend your time. A romantic partner may, for example, pressure you into giving up certain hobbies and interests.
- You may also feel isolated in a romantic relationship. Your partner may insist you only spend time with him or her. He or she may try to keep you from forming relationships with others or spending time with your family. For example, your romantic partner may say he or she dislikes a certain group of friends, and discourage you from hanging out with them.
Ask yourself whether you enjoy good moments.In a toxic relationship, good times can become increasingly difficult to enjoy. As every day is a challenge, you are always fearful of an emotional outburst or argument.
- For example, you and your boyfriend go to brunch with friends. While he is difficult and moody when getting ready, he's pleasant at the restaurant. Everyone seems to be having a good conversation and enjoying themselves.
- However, you find you cannot quite enjoy the moment. You may worry what will happen when you get home. Will your boyfriend be mad about something you said? You also may worry the good moment will not last long. Your boyfriend is the type to get angry quickly, and you're worried a tiny indiscretion may set him off and ruin the good time.
Think about your self-esteem.Toxic relationships can make you feel bad about yourself. When you interact with this person, do you leave the situation feeling bad about yourself?
- You may feel bad or ashamed about yourself a lot. A toxic person may put you down for small errors and indiscretions.
- After spending time with this person, you may feel drained and sad. The person may be very critical of you and your behavior. You may have lingering negative feelings about yourself after spending time with the person.
Consider whether you feel happy in your relationship.When trying to determine if you are in a toxic relationship, it may be helpful to look at what a positive relationship should be like. Try to determine if your relationship has any of these elements. If it lacks them, then it is likely that you are in a toxic relationship. In a good relationship, you should feel:
- Valued, loved, and cared about.
- Comfortable trusting them and being vulnerable, such as by sharing secrets.
- Appreciated for who you are, not just what you do or provide.
- Free to communicate honestly and voice your true opinions.
Considering the Other Person's Behavior
Consider how much blame is placed on you.In a toxic relationship, a lot of blame is placed on you. The other party's behavior is never his or her fault.
- The other person may be very manipulative. He or she may blame bad behaviors on you. He or she may say things like, "You make me jealous and I can't control myself." The other person may also say you're "too sensitive" or that you "need to lighten up."
- For instance, you stay out late with friends and your girlfriend berates you for hours when you get home. Later, when you explain she hurt your feelings, she does not apologize. Instead, she says, "You know I've been cheated on in the past. I can't help that I get jealous easily, and you don't pay enough attention to me. If you spent more time with me, I wouldn't be as jealous."
Think about whether you're treated with contempt.Toxic people are unable to manage conflict effectively. While no one conducts themselves perfectly in a relationship, a toxic person will treat your indiscretions with undeserved contempt. Do you feel like this person is particularly insulting or biting with you? If so, you may be in a toxic relationship.
- Contempt is a highly destructive form of criticism. Instead of merely saying, "Your behavior upset me," a toxic person will tear you apart. In a toxic relationship, you may be ridiculed or insulted for certain behaviors.
- For example, you are late getting to your boyfriend's house after work as you had coffee with a co-worker. Your boyfriend may respond with a great deal of contempt. He may say things like, "You're unbelievably careless" or "You have no respect for me or other people." While being late can be rude at times, this level of contempt is uncalled for.
Consider whether the person ever stonewalls you.In a toxic relationship, conflict is not dealt with healthily. A toxic person may stonewall you. This means he or she will simply ignore you when angry or upset.
- Stonewalling can be in the form of physical neglect, the silent treatment, or leaving without saying anything.
- For instance, your boyfriend wants you to cuddle with him in the mid-afternoon. You're busy with work, and tell him "No." He leaves the house abruptly and does not return your texts or calls throughout the day. This is a form of stonewalling.
Evaluate the person's sense of responsibility.Toxic people are unable to take responsibility for anything, including their own actions and feelings. If you confront a toxic person about his or her behavior, he or she will become defensive and make excuses.
- In a toxic relationship, bad behavior is rarely acknowledged. The other person may say things like, "I don't think I did anything wrong." He or she may also make an excuse rather than offering an apology. For example, "You know how stressed I get after work. I wasn't myself when I yelled at you."
- In a toxic relationship, you are made responsible for another person's behavior and feelings. A toxic person is unable or unwilling to acknowledge he or she controls his or her own behavior.
Watch for signs of an abusive relationship.Many of the signs of a toxic relationship can be abusive. Sometimes it can be difficult to spot abuse when you are in the midst of it, but there are some ways to tell.
- If you suspect that you are being abused emotionally, verbally, or in other ways, then talk to someone about it and get help to get out of the relationship.
Dealing with Toxic People
Seek the help of a therapist.If you are in a toxic relationship, then you may face some challenging situations as you work to get out of the relationship. A therapist can help you to navigate these challenges. Choose a therapist in your area who has experience helping people with these types of relationships.
Assert yourself.It is important to make your voice heard. You do not want to let a toxic person walk all over you. In the moment, assert yourself to avoid being pushed around.
- When a bad behavior arises, tell the person how you feel. Use "I"-statements, which reduce blame. State how you feel, the behavior that leads to that feeling, and why you feel the way you do.
- For example, your boyfriend yells at you for returning a text a few hours late as you were out with a friend. When he starts to yell, say, "It makes me feel isolated when you guilt trip me spending time with others because I need a social life for my emotional well being and I feel you don't respect that."
End the relationship, if necessary.Toxic relationships often don't change over time. Toxic people often fail to recognize their detrimental behavior. If a relationship is continually draining, end it.
- Be honest with yourself. Do you actually like spending time with this person? Do you feel drained around this person? Do you actually like this person?
- You can confront the person directly or send an email or text. Use your words carefully. You can be assertive without being aggressive. For example, "I'm sorry, but I just don't think we're good for each other as friends. I think it's best if we don't have anymore contact."
- If a relationship is not actually benefitting you, you should end it. You should surround yourself with positive people who genuinely care about you.
Surround yourself with positive people.This can help counteract the effects of a toxic relationship. If you have a toxic relationship you can't escape, like one with your boss, this is especially important.
- Hang out with people who build you up. If you feel energized and good about yourself when you're around a certain friend, spend time with him or her. Get coffee with a co-worker who is consistently positive.
- Do not waste your time with people who are not nice to you. You deserve to be around positive people who treat you with respect.
Keep busy.If you've just ended a toxic relationship, this can help. You should have a lot of hobbies that keep you from ruminating over the relationship.
- Do things you enjoy. If you love movies, make a point of watching a movie every night. If you like to read, stop by a bookstore and pick up a few new books.
- Engage in hobbies. You can try taking up a new hobby, like knitting, in order to stay busy.
- It's a good idea to talk to a therapist or someone level-headed whom you trust to explore your situation in more detail. If you're unsure about what to do or how to deal with the impacts on you, getting help is an important way of sorting through your feelings.
Video: How To Tell Whether You're Sick Or Just Have Allergies
How to Test Bandwidth of Your Internet Connection with TestMy
BREAKING: Designer Kate Spade Found Dead of Apparent Suicide
San Franciscans have arguably been defrauded’ into buying homes in sinking Millennium tower
How to Fill an Air Tank
14Celebs Who Rock Their Gray Hair
Too Close For Comfort
How to Make the Most of Boring Creative Writing Assignments
One in 20 women hit by early menopause
The Surprisingly Delicious Thing You Should Be Doing with Spoiled Milk
How to Treat Skin Disorders in Horses
How to Encourage Thinking by Drawing
26 Coolest Hairstyles for School
Olivia Wilde’s Modern Barbarella’ Hairstyle