How to survive a midlife crisis?
Agree that earlier only men were concerned about the middle age crisis. But in recent years, they began to talk about the female version of this disease much more often. Still would! We just give a reason, and we are happy to begin to develop any topic and turn it into a problem. Indeed, women are more inclined to analyze. And the age crisis - it is just about the analysis of what was, is and will be.
You live happily ever after, when one day it dawns on you: “I am doing something wrong in this life!” The idea is reinforced by feelings and strange sensations that we, women, easily reproduce and allow to circulate inside us. Well, then on the thumb. “It seems that I am a failure”, “Success never came to me,” “Already after thirty, but there are no children”, “It’s somehow unseasonable to ride a Peugeot,” these and many other popular expressions are they cut our wings with you. The ones that help and take off, and be easy to climb, and much more.Let's think about where all these enemy thoughts originate, that someone throws into our heads, and we begin to live with them with pleasure.
"I am a loser"
Well, suppose that you do not have a dream machine or a solid position in the resume. And in this regard, stereotypical thinking pushes for anxiety and panic about this. Nervous, of course, useless in this case. You came to your 30+ where you were going. And it is more important to analyze not the brand of car, but what you really want and what you are fighting for. For comfort, for recognition, for success? For what exactly? Counting the acquired is extremely ridiculous.
It is also important not to forget that you are a woman, and not some kind of terminator. Better think about whether you are getting enough sleep. Do you take care of yourself regularly and why are your shoulders squeezed so - not from daily stress?
Fuel to the fire is added by the continuous presence on social networks, where others, of course, have greener grass and a slimmer waist. It is proved that social networks cause envy and increase the feeling of loneliness. And this is exactly what it is time to learn at our age. In addition, all these “and what have you achieved by thirty” are the rules of the day before yesterday. Today we live in a freer space in which values and rules of consumption have changed.Yes, it seems to us that with age we began to consume more and need money. But in fact, we just became lazier, so we choose what is more expensive, more satisfying and requires the least energy.
"I got the job"
It is quite normal. Have you heard about the crisis of ten years in the profession? Perhaps this is it. But it's also likely that the work really got you. Do not rush off the shoulder. Suppose you remember that in childhood you dreamed of singing on the stage, but then it dawned on you that the present work has nothing to do with the youthful dream. You torment yourself all night instead of sleep, imagine how you are going to write a letter of resignation and then, apparently, run to the casting or somewhere else. For a dream. Well stupid, right? It is important to separate the profession from all other women who can be turned into a hobby. Instead of sitting on the phone and watching others go in for equestrian sports, crochet or draw on “Artist for a week” courses, think about what you would really like to do. We think a lot for our thirties, but we do very little. Remember your twenty: thoughts are much smaller, but more movement and a cycle of sensations. And from work yet do not leave absolutely, it is better to be registered on courses.Suddenly you will spin and turn this hobby? That's when you quit to plunge into something new.
“I'm still not married”
Listen, to be honest: maybe it's for the best? You can not even imagine how many divorces among couples who got married hastily. A mature man who knows himself very well has more chances to meet a mature man. And do not divorce! From marriage, one should not expect anything outstanding. In essence, this is a partnership to which you need to be morally (and physically, ha-ha) ready. Marriage will not save you from boredom or longing. If only for a while. Then you will also feel lonely, but only with accusations against her husband. Develop, breathe deeply and look for no one. Practice shows that the relationship is much stronger when the man “finds” you, and not you.
"I have no child"
You know, however pathetic it may sound, but children always come to us on time. And you will then understand what I mean. Second moment. Children - it's still not pets. These are people who will live side by side with you, and they will have to deal with them. Are you ready for this? Give them all the free time, forget about habits and personal graphics? Give them your freedom and tranquility.
Parenthood is not a pink plush world.This is a set of rather boring classes, if you look at them from the technical side.
Of course, the heart will be filled with incomparable feelings, and they are not like anything. But if you do not have children now, it means that you have at least (and even maximum) no beloved man and love as such. Never forget that this is the most important thing. And children are the perfect result of the love of man and woman.
If everything is much deeper, then there is an explanation for this too. Between thirty and forty years, many come to a global reassessment of values and look at their choice of spouse, profession, and life goals differently. This is the very internal conflict that psychologist Jung wrote about. That an absolutely intolerable inner discord is the proof of your true life. The transformation in the middle of the path is a key point in the transition from the first half of life to the second. In fact, you encounter a discrepancy between your dreams and reality. And as a result - with disappointment.
And here it is important to understand that, because of our youth, we could imagine something much brighter than it actually is, and set ourselves overwhelming tasks with which you really would never have coped.A very important point: all reflections and new searches must necessarily be accompanied by the ability to rest and relax. Unfortunately, the syndrome of chronic fatigue and overwork is not fiction, but in a sense, the result of your race. It's time to get out of the car and start walking, walk more, go out of town. Let your temporary crisis be accompanied by such innovations.
Consider as closely as possible everything related to work. Does it bring moral satisfaction, or do you hold on to it because of fear of not finding something new, or do you not want to part with a decent salary? Favorite business - this is what is desirable to strive after thirty. All other options will sooner or later lead you to neurosis and loss of strength.
And further. Remember, please, for what you love yourself. You can even ask your friends to write what features they value you for - do not believe how many new “therapeutic” emotions this will bring. It's time to stop fighting with yourself and chasing after some ideal incarnation.
Stop listening to the inner whispers that you still lack something for happiness.Happiness is a process, not a result, as parents taught us.
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