How to raise self-esteem
In our culture, for some reason, it is customary to suffer more than to rejoice. Look at how few people smile on the street, in offices, how rude in transport, as some, sitting at a festive table, instead of sharing positive with others, whining, talking about their own and other people's illnesses, speak unflatteringly about others. Many people come up with imaginary problems, confusing cause-effect relationships and slowly solving their problems.
Pursuit of the ideal
The company constantly imposes its own standards on us: be smart, have an elastic chest and butt, don't let cellulite beat yourself, don't wear a separate swimsuit after 40 years. We are told that we should dress beautifully, attend fitness clubs, have decent work, shelter, family. But everyone has their own values. Someone does not want children, and that's fine. Someone grown in the country florets dearer Dominican Republic. And this is also normal. About tastes and interests do not argue, right?
The most interesting thing is that people with low self-esteem cling to the imposed ideas as a lifeline.Just to match. And they are afraid to say “no” to themselves, although they have subconsciously realized a long time ago that an expensive vacation at sea does not mean quality, and a change in the shape of the face does not eliminate psychological problems. But they continue to live like this, throwing themselves in extremes.
We are all born without complexes. A two-three-year-old baby can jump on the bed naked, covered in brilliant green from chickenpox, and at the same time squeak with happiness. Until mom says: “Come on, stop racing! Muddle! I wish I did not give birth to you. " Of course, when parents shout at a child, they use it as a discharge. And subconsciously they shout at the same boss, spouse or neighbor, who doesn’t have a rest with his drilling. Only now this discharge is ineffective and even dangerous. For the baby first. Because he takes this humiliation, the suggestion of failures for granted. Want more examples?
“Why didn't you tidy up on the table? No one will marry such a slob! "
"Enough is, and so you can not fit into jeans."
"What a pity that you were born red. The redhead always has bad luck. ”
A child in response to such attacks can be indignant, snarl, but information will be written in his subconscious: “I am nothing,” “No one loves me,” “I was born in vain to the light,” “I am fat,” “I am pathologically unlucky” .
So, how to raise self-esteem?
Let yourself be imperfect
And also have drawbacks. To make mistakes. To learn to let go of other people's norms, it's important to hear yourself right. For example, ask yourself the question: "What do I really want now?"
How to put it into practice? Prompts. For example, you and your friends have a tradition to arrange shopping every Sunday. And then the time comes, and you realize that you no longer want this. It's normal - to want to, and then change your mind. The change of values is also normal, but you are developing, not standing still. Therefore, it makes no sense to be ashamed of normal things. So tell your friends: "I do not want to go anywhere tomorrow." And no need to make excuses, explain what you will do on this day, and so on. There's no point in trying to please them and give in to manipulations like, "Yeah, do not go with us, so you're a traitor." Because this is not betrayal, but honesty and expression of one's desires. You can tell your friends that you also love them, you just do not want to spend your leisure that way. Achieve spiritual harmony by doing what you really want. Naturally, without violating the freedom of others.
Make a list of strong qualities
Set aside modesty and make for yourself a list of qualities and things that you do best. It is not necessary to look for some outstanding qualities, it’s enough to write something like “I can cook cream soup well”, “I quickly go on the road”, “I have a good memory”, etc. Read the list weekly and add new lines to it.
Turn negative into positive
Divide the paper into two columns. In the first column write your negative qualities, and in the second - their positive manifestations. For example:
|I am a alarmist. I will raise everyone to their feet, and then it will become clear that the matter was not worth the candle.||I'm not ashamed of my excessive caution, she is my best assistant in life|
|I am uncommunicative||But I can observe the behavior of other people and know how to listen to them.|
|I have extra weight||But I have good health, good mood, and in my house there is always something to feed the guests.|
Speak only good
Learn to speak only good things about people, shower them with compliments. This not only improves your interpersonal relationships, but also helps you quickly get rid of the role of the victim. The more you make a positive communication, the faster your self-esteem will rise.
And finally, stop talking bad about yourself, even jokingly.Instead of "Oh, what a fool I was," it is better to say something lengthy: "Yes, there were times ..." In an effort to praise the other, do not humiliate yourself as a comparison. For example, instead of "What are you good for, I would not have thought of this" you can simply say: "What a fine fellow you are!"
And what if you had adequate self-esteem, but something unforeseen happened, from which did your hands drop? This is also a normal phenomenon, and it is called "situational reduction of self-esteem." That is, acts temporarily.
By reducing situational self-esteem:
- do any good deed: call your parents, transfer money to the animal welfare center, treat your friend to a lasagne of your own preparation;
- talk with someone who knows and loves you well, who will always be able to praise, remind you of your good qualities and achievements;
- Make a list of your strong qualities, which we mentioned above, and hang it in a prominent place.
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