How to love and be loved | Billy Ward | TEDxFoggyBottom
How to Be Loved
Everyone needs to feel loved. This is an important aspect of being human. No man is an island, as they say. But sometimes it's trickier than it sounds. If you're having trouble getting love into your life, or even if you just want to bring more of it, get started with Step 1 below to let wikiHow show you the way.
Letting Love In
Build your self-esteem.A lot of the time, we are way more loved than we realize. The reason we can't see it is because we think that we aren't worthy of being loved so surely no one loves us. But you are worthy of love. If you want to fight the doubts in your mind, start by building your self-esteem. Remember that you don't have to be perfect because no one is. You are amazing just the way you are. Remember all of the wonderful things you've done and the hardships you've made it through. You can do anything if you work hard at it and you can make the world a better place.
Respect yourself.When you respect yourself, other people will follow. Take good care of yourself and treat yourself right. Take care of your body by practicing good hygiene and wearing clean clothes that fit your body. Don't talk down about yourself and don't let people push you around. This lets them know that you think you're worthy, and they'll start to agree.
Feed your passions.Passion, not necessarily romantic but passion for life, is very attractive to others. Loving something with all your heart, whether it's sports or writing (or whatever it is that makes you feel on fire), makes people feel hopeful and inspired. They want to be around you more because it makes them feel better about the things that they're passionate about. Pursue your passions and let other people see it. Even if you think your passions are silly.
Be kind.Your behavior is the main base of you. Smile and be approachable. Try to be happy as much as possible. When someone asks you something, respond to them politely and with respect. When you treat others with all respects they too do the same. Give respect to everyone you meet. Talk politely with elders so that your behavior will be praised by others.
Take special interest in others' problems.When a person is in need, don't hesitate to give them a hand. First, understand the problem, advise them about it, and discuss it with interest. Sometimes people don't like to get advice from others. If you try to help such people, they may think you're meddling. Only help people who need help and invite you to give them advice.
Let people see your talent.Give people the chance to see how amazing you are. If you're good at something, even if it's something boring like organizing, let others see that. Don't be shy. Letting people see your talent isn't the same as showing off or bragging. Taking pride in what you've accomplished and patting yourself on the back for it is healthy.
Finding What You Need
Decide what you want.What do you want from this love you want to have? Do you just want a close companion like a best friend or do you want a romantic relationship? Sometimes when we feel like we want a romantic relationship, the problem would really be solved by a good friendship. Recognize that you don't have to be in a romantic relationship to feel loved and happy and consider if this would be easier than the complications of a romance.
Consider the why.Why don't you feel loved right now? This is an incredibly important question. If you're loved and you just can't accept or feel like you're loved, then you need to fixthat problem, not get more love. If you aren't being loved in the relationships that you're in, then you need to take a serious look at the people you love and decide if they're worth the effort. Some people are just jerks and you're better off without them. If they treat you poorly and don't love you, then you need to find someone new. You deserve better.
Adjust your definition of love.Some people think that if they aren't showered in diamond rings and prompt birthday cards, then they aren't loved. But this really isn't true: people don't need to give you things in order to love you. And giving you things isn't a sign of their love, either. Make sure that you know what love looks like so that you can recognize it (or the absence of it) in your life.
Get help if you need it.If you think that your feeling unloved could be related to depression or other mental health problems (or even abuse), please seek help. Find a trusted individual or even a doctor and get some professional assistance. We here at wikiHow want you to be happy and healthy.
- Never feel like there's anything wrong with asking for or needing help with abuse or your mental health. You wouldn't feel ashamed of having the flu, so don't feel ashamed about this. It is not your fault and you did nothing wrong.
Make new friends.If you want to create more opportunities for you to feel loved, a good place to start is by making some new friends. Try going out to clubs or take a class with your local community center.
Find a community.A community can be even better than a group of friends. Take up a local cause that is important to you, or join an online fan community (or even wikiHow!). These communities can be powerfully supportive and a great way to make your life better.
Get a pet.A pet is another way to bring more love into your life. Our animals love us unconditionally and depend on us greatly. You can have a wonderful impact on an animal's life, especially if you get a rescue animal.
Volunteer.Volunteering is the best way for you to feel loved while having an incredibly positive impact on your community. You can volunteer everywhere from soup kitchens to hospice services and directly meet people who you help. You will find an incredible sense of fulfillment when you help others in a significant way. Give it a try today!
- Also remember people can’t make you happy, only you can. Sure others bring something to the table, but at the end of the day you need to know what makes you happy and what will keep you happy.
- You are beautiful! Remind yourself of that constantly.
- Keep writing. It really helps to get everything out and eventually let it all go. But remember separate the good from the bad and hold onto all the good memories.
- Always have patience. “Ladybugs, Katherine, lots and lots of ladybugs”. Under the Tuscan Sun? No, well Katherine tells Frances to be patient and looking for a man is like looking for a ladybug, when you finally give up they’re crawling all over you. Work on yourself and your own happiness and when you least expect it, luck might strike.
- Always be respectful and nice to other people. If you are nice to people, they will be nice to you.
- Have confidence in yourself and more importantly in others. Confidence is contagious so let it shine! Nothing is sexier than someone with their head on straight. You could have everything in the world or nothing, but if you are confident in yourself, you couldn't be more attractive.
- Treat people like how you want others to treat you so they will love and respect you.
- Everyone learns from their mistakes. Hearts don’t break; they just get a little bruised sometimes. You’ll grow, you’ll live, and you’ll move on.
- Sometimes hearts break, but you have to glue the pieces back, love comes again!
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